No Kids Allowed

When I went to see Spider-man last week, my son and I found that the bad guys were not on the screen, they were sitting 3 rows in front of us. A young couple had a child of about 3 who yelled, cried, and squirmed throughout a good portion of the movie.

"Mommy, I don't want to be here... this is scary!"

None of the child's entreaties worked. The parents tuned out the child and blissfully watched their movie.

When Jake and I were at the Avengers, there was a couple a few rows up who had about 5 children under the age of 7. Up and down the aisles they ran, while the youngest cried and fussed. The parents took nary a notice.

The thing I have observed about parents of rambunctious children is that they have the ability to tune their own children out. It's kind of like a mutant superpower. In fact, I would bet money that if you asked the parents about their children's behavior in the theater, they would reply that their children behave fine when attending the movies.

Well what about when your kids were young Andrew? Didn't you take them to the movies?

No, I didn't. Unless it was a movie designed for children (Winnie the Pooh), my kids never entered a theater. Mary Lee and I had a basic formula - babysitter, see it separately, or we wait for the DVD. It was simple courtesy. Why should someone else have their movie spoiled by having to endure my toddlers? (Not to mention my little ones being exposed to scary images, but that is another article).

Parents, you have to understand, whatever disturbance your children were to you during the movie, it was 10X worse for everyone around you. Remember, you have a mutant power. You have the super ability to tune out your own child's whining, fussing, crying, and squirming at levels that those around you can only dream about.

This article is aimed at parents, not at kids. I have a friend with many pets who often says, "There are no bad dogs, just bad owners."

I Didn't Do It

I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything -- Bart Simpson

My children struggle with allergies. They are allergic to plugging in dead electronics. When one tablet or laptop is dead, they go off in search of another... but it never occurs to them to plug in the dead one.

I devised, what I thought, was a pretty creative solution. I stuck a power strip behind the couch in the family room. In it, I plugged in the chargers for all the varied laptops and tablets that float about the house. The cords are out of sight, but easily accessible, and always in the same location. All the kids have to do is throw the tech on a charger when done.

Simple, logical, perfect.

Of course, you know where this is going.

I went to use Ipad... dead... mere feet from the plug behind the couch.

grrrrrrrrrr.....

I go to plug it in....

..... none of the chargers are in the power strip.

(calling upstairs and downstairs simultaneously) "WHO TOOK THE CHARGERS OUT OF THE POWER STRIP AND WHERE ARE THEY??!!"

(voice from upstairs) "Wasn't me! Ask Jake!"

(voice from downstairs) "Wasn't me! Ask Kathryn!"

Sigh.....

Choose Wisely

I spent the past hour catching up on some blog and Facebook comments I have been meaning to respond to this week.  The following is a response I gave to one friend who stated that not choosing to believe in God is a choice for Hell -  in other words, not choosing is not really an option.

I don't know if this ever happens to you, but sometimes I do not have a clear notion of how I feel about something until I write it.

"What would you think of someone who put out 100,000 shells and said,"One of them has a pea under it... choose the right one or I torture you." 

Not choosing the correct shell does not make you immoral or deserving of anything bad... it makes the one setting up the choice an evil SOB. 

But my point is not that a divine deity is an evil SOB... my point is that it is WE humans who have set up this shell game... as a control mechanism. That is not to say there are not honest souls who really are convinced that theirs is the right shell... and therefore have to warn everyone to select it. But picture yourself as an outsider, coming into a room where everyone is telling you to choose their shell... lest you die. 

For myself, I have decided to leave the game... I leave the room of gambling over eternal destinies where the gods reflect the insecurities of their followers. I stand by Marcus Aurelius: 

“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”

The Adequate Spider-Man

I wanted it to be Amazing, I really did.  Overall though, the best I can give it is a B.  Some spoilers may follow, so proceed at your own risk.

First the good -  Andrew Garfield is a great Peter Parker.  He makes the character likable and believable, even when the script fed him some unbelievable dialogue.

Along those same lines, Emma Stone was a wonderful Gwen Stacey.  They did not give her character a lot of depth, but she was charming and had good chemistry and interaction with Garfield.

The character of Spider-man was well done.  They captured the tone of the comics, particularly with some of the acrobatic and web slinging visuals.

The bad - Where to start?  By the time I finish this portion, I may feel the need to lower the movie to a C.

I think the primary thing that annoyed me in the movie was its inconsistency.  Going into a comic movie, the viewer is prepared to suspend their belief.  However, though the audience may give the movie makers grace to create new rules for their reality, the audience wants those rules adhered to once they have been established.  The rules were broken so many times throughout the movie, it became distracting.  There are too many to list, but here are some examples -

• In one scene, Spider-man uses his Spider sense to dodge bullets fired at point blank range, but in a later scene the Lizard sneaks up on Spider-man and has his tail halfway around Spider-man's neck before being noticed.
• The movie makers try to create drama by having Dr. Connors hold on as Spider-man dangles over a building's edge... but this is Spider-man, who can stick to walls, he was never in danger of falling.

Martin Sheen and Sally Field simply did not work as Uncle Ben and Aunt May.  I think this was, in large part, the writer's fault.  Sheen's lines were simply goofy at times, and his "responsibility" speech was just corny and awkward.  Field did not create the bond that needs to exist between her and Peter... but again, I don't think the writers gave her much to work with.

In order for a comic movie to work, there must be an engaging bad guy.  You have to enjoy the bad guy as much as you do the title character... perhaps more.  The Lizard provided none of that.  He was flat, 2 dimensional, and entirely forgettable.

After watching the movie, one could not help but feel that there were a few key points in the story that the writer and director had worked out both visually and in terms of story... but they took no care in making those parts segue from one to the other.

Finally, there is a scene where a bunch of construction workers line up their cranes for Spidey to web through the city on, which was overly long and absurd.  Surely every one involved in the movie hated the end result... but because it cost so much to produce, it stayed.

All in all, it was good enough that I hope they pursue a sequel... but a new writer/director combo is a must.

Hal Was Told To Lie

Another great cartoon by David Hayward, aka The Nakedpastor!

Now when looking at this, a lot of Christians may react defensively. They may declare that God is a God of love. They may insist that they and their church don't present God or the gospel in that manner.

However, the vast majority of Christian churches believe that anyone who does not subscribe to some form of Christianity (and often, their version of Christianity) is going to be tortured in flames without mercy and without end. They may not put that in the church bulletin, but it is there.

I submit that believing that is REALLY bad for the psyche.

Subconsciously, realizing the unreasonableness, and because many Christians are truly people of good will, most churches put Hell on the back burner (yes, good pun there). But in doing so, Christianity becomes a contradictory, bait and switch, sales job.

2010 is one of my favorite movies of all time. It is a sequel to the famous 2001, where the super computer Hal goes crazy and kills his crew. In 2010, we discover that Hal went haywire because he was given contradictory instructions.

"HAL was told to lie - by people who find it easy to lie. HAL doesn't know how."

I think a lot of the unhealthiness that exists presently in the Christian church is because of Hell theology. It is a very bad piece of programming instruction. A modern people has been told to declare and harbor a hateful idea - by medieval and ancient peoples who found it easy to harbor hateful ideas. We shouldn't know how.

Pastors Assemble!

I saw an article on Facebook this morning that contained the following video. In it, these two popular megachurch evangelical pastors go on and on about how wonderful the other is. The writer of the article does a good job commenting on this phenomenon, but I want to add a detail.

Charasmatics have been doing this since I was a kid. I remember watching Fred Price and Kenneth Hagin butter each other up to their respective audiences (I won't call them churches).  Kenneth Copeland made this practice a regular part of his show.

Televangelists learned early on that, rather than competition, fellow televangelist interaction actually increased the financial pie. It is like getting the Avengers all together in one movie... audiences eat it up.

Nice to see Evangelicals are discovering the tricks to the money trade that Charasmatics have been milking for decades.

The God Party

The GOP is sometimes called "The God Party". This is because their members tend to want displays of the Christian religion in public places. They want prayer in public schools, mangers at city halls, Ten Commandments in court rooms, and they get a warm fuzzy every time Tebow goes down on his knees.

Often though, I think "God" is just another hook to rally the team. It is part of the culture. Most of the Right pumping their fist about Jesus really have little idea who they aligning themselves with.

So just to clarify, I think the GOP convention this year should start with a reading of the Sermon on the Mount. Have Henry Ian Cusick reprise his role as Jesus... and let him preach it to the crowd. Get all of the heroes of the Right in the front row so they don't miss a verse.

It's a little dream I have.....

Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!"

My generation grew up hearing this little catch phrase, but I don't hear it said much anymore.  I think people over the years correctly came to the conclusion that it just wasn't true.

As far as I can remember, I have only been in one physical fight in my life.  It was with a kid in junior high and it didn't last long.  He was experienced in fighting and I wasn't, so he laid a number of punches while I was still trying to figure out the rules.

As can often happen, he and I became friends after our fight (and people say girls are hard to figure out).  When I look back at that fight, and recall some of the fights my students have gotten into, I realize that physical altercations (unless it is some kind of sustained abuse) don't tend to leave wounds.  In fact, I have noticed some of my students have to take a moment to recall a fight they had earlier in the year.

However, you can speak to most adults and discover that they carry a wound, or many wounds, over something that was said to them in the past.  Contrary to the phrase above, not only do words hurt... they often leave lasting damage.

What If?

It's the question that drives us, Neo. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.
~ Trinity

You're a man haunted by those two most terrible words: What if?
~ Uber Morlock
______________________

I have, understandably, become fascinated with people's exit stories. Whether they are exiting from my former faith, or some other, I usually find a kindred soul. The details and particulars may vary from faith to faith, but there is a common thread.

What if?

It is the opening to that question that releases the flood gates. People of faith often wrestle with questions, and therefore believe they have questioned their faith; but as anyone who has left their faith can tell you, it is not the same thing.

The difference is in the letting go. As much as I may have questioned various aspects of my faith while I was a Christian, I always had one foot on the shore. The life preserver was always firmly fastened as I waded into the sea of doubts.

There was a story in Salon yesterday about a woman who left her Mormon faith. Again, the particulars vary, but she had that common "what if?" moment:
__

Sean was as supportive as an atheist could be. He even went with me for the first hour of church to help with the Squirmy Ones. But when he’d leave early, I’d cry in the bathroom, feeling completely alone. I never said that word aloud: Atheist. My heart clenched just thinking it.

We rarely talked about religion, yet it consumed us. When Sean replaced his temple garments — the sacred underwear he’d promised to wear day and night — with boxers, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much betrayal. I called up a neighbor with a husband like mine and cried. But instead of empathy, she offered questions that stunned me into silence. Was Sean addicted to pornography? Watching R-rated movies? What sin had brought him to this terrible place?

My tears stopped. Her questions were so off-base that they seemed absurd. She was sincere, and trying to help, but she believed what the Church teaches — that a man would only leave because he’s disobeying the commandments. She couldn’t understand this was a rational inquiry. She saw everything as the result of sin.


This started my brain twitching. I knew Sean was still a good person, that he still maintained the same moral standards he had when he married me. The Church was wrong about him. What else might they be wrong about?
__

One of the things that started the "what else might they be wrong about?" process for me was my faith's reaction to Mormons (I moved to SLC from Detroit 8 years ago). I didn't believe Mormon theology, but the reactions of my fellow evangelicals to them gave me insight into my own religion. I knew my Mormon friends to be good and honest people who were just as sincere in their belief as I was in mine. They were quite convinced that I was misinformed about God, and I returned the favor.

However, I was a bit more gracious than most of my fellow evangelicals. I sat through many a bible study and meeting where Mormon faith and practices were mocked. Yet, upon closer examination, many of the critiques and jabs I heard could just as easily be applied to us. Why do we get a pass on similar attitudes and practices? What if I applied these critical measures to my own faith?

What if?

A Regulation Everyone Can Agree On

I got a new camera in the mail yesterday. We had to replace a stolen one. My wife is a new teacher and she learned the lesson of every new teacher - as homey as that classroom starts to feel, it isn't yours. Leave stuff out, and it will walk.

(I also wish camera thieves would at least do us the courtesy of leaving behind the memory card, those pictures were important)

As much as I like the specs and price of my new camera, I am tempted to return it. Included in the packaging was a funky little proprietary recharging cable.

Ughhhhh! Not another one....

I love gadgets, and I have a lot of them. I also pride myself on how well I haggle out a good deal. However, I think I have come to the conclusion that no good deal is worth it on a piece of tech that uses a proprietary charging cable.

My phone uses mini-usb. My mp3 player and my GPS also use mini-usb. I love that I have only one charging cable in my car.

I think the United States should just have a standard on charging cables the way we do on electrical outlets. At the very least, have the packaging list the connector type. If it isn't mini-usb, from now on, I am steering clear.