To smoke or not?

Went out with Brook, Lori, and Marianne tonight. We were at B & N till they closed and then headed to a pool hall in downtown Rochester. It was funny, an ex-quizzer came up to me. He looked like he was in college and wanted to say hello. He was suprised someone from DBQ was in there. Anyone who knows me, knows that I can ramble on and on about the state of Western Christianity. Seeing it there in detail though was a bit ironic. Why should a "christian" seem so out of place having a drink and a smoke in a pool hall? Would anyone in the New Testament have been concerned with that? If not, when did people start becoming concerned with it? If scripture had no problem with it, what were the motivations of those who began defining it as a problem?

Went and saw the Matrix Reloaded with Jon, Brook, Sean, and Matt tonight. Just incredible. It is late, and I have to be up in a few hours for work - otherwise I could write all night about that movie. We had a great, but short conversation following the movie. Again, to bad I have to get ready for work.

We had a great Birthday party for Kathryn today. Mary Lee planned a great party for her at Wolcott Farm. Most of the neighborhood kids came with their families. We were given a tour of the farm. It was really great, and Kathryn really had a great time.
Later, we went over to Chris and Sues to hang out for a bit. A great day!

Enjoy the Silence?

Brook and I caught a late midnight showing of Xmen 2 last night over at the Chesterfield. We had an hour or so to kill over at the Steak and Shake before it started. One of the things that we talked about, was the fact that our belief structure is mostly based on hearsay. Christians usually do not choose Christianity over some other religion.

Brook made a comment, something to the effect "The hardest thing to deal with in Christianity is the silence." I couldn't agree more. Job may have been reamed out by God for his presumption, but at least he was acknowledged. I think I begin to understand the psychology of negative attention more and more. Love me or hate me, but don't dismiss me.

I didn't notice the silence earlier in my Christianity, but it is at times now, nearly overwhelming. I can see what draws people to make connections, where there perhaps are none, in order get a sense of the prescence of God. If I believe that God arranged for me to get that job, or meet that person, then he is paying attention. He notices me. And, we have neatly come up with a safe explanation for the things that happen which we don't like. God is saying no, or he is teaching us something. If I get the job, it was the work of the Lord. If I don't get it, well, God just has other things in mind. The important piece though is that I am on his mind and he notices me.

I am not sure where this leaves me. The silence gets worse, not better. I remember in the movie, "Vampires" there was a Catholic priest who was going to exchange the life of some innocents for his eternal mortal life. When asked how he could do this, he replied " I have spent my whole life in the service of the church... I have never seen a miracle, never heard a voice, never had a vision. I am now near the end of my life, and the thought of death terrifies me."

I understand some of his sentiments. In my earlier years of Christianity, Jesus was coming back soon. Heck, for a while there, I almost thought college might be a waste of time since none of us were going to be here anyway. I didn't experience anything supernatural in my life, but I simply figured I wasn't experienced enough yet.. it would come.

However, here I am... twenty years of Christianity later - and I have never seen a miracle, never heard a voice, never had a vision. A few years ago, it occured to me that I may go through my whole life and never experience the voice of God. Beyond that, I may just be a cog in the wheel, or worse yet - maybe part of no plan whatsoever.

How then do I live out Christianity in light of these new perspectives? I am not sure. But the silence is deafining.

Went out with Sean and Brook Saturday night. First met Brook at Borders. He picked up a book for me while in Ann Arbor. It is Son of Laughter by Buechner. It looks really good. Wish I had more time to read. As I come up on the end of the school year, I begin to enter paperwork hell.
Sean met us over there around 10, then we went up to Snookers and ate and played some pool.
Still tryin to get signed up to Lifetime Fitness, Kathryn wants to know when she is going to get to go swim. :)

It is funny that the idea of Utah still swims around in my head every now and again. Dave Nelson spoke at church on Saturday, and he can really nail ya. Mostly cause you know he is going through whatever it is he is talking about. It will be a great church in Utah. There is an end of me that would like to go, but ohmygosh does the teacher pay suck out there. That is even assuming I would get a job. Some would say I do not trust God. They may be right. I think though that I am more distrusting of whether not I even have a relatively accurate picture of who God is. I could go out there, convinced that God is calling me, when actually he has nothing to do with it. The thing that has become abundantly clear to me in my 20 years of Christianity is that, where ever you are along the path, you structure your belief system to justify what you are already doing, or want to do. My own motives are so disjointed and ambivilant, that I have a hard time even getting a coherent feeling about God from day to day - let alone uprooting everthing I have built on the possibility that my present view of God may be correct and telling me to go. As I look at the way my beliefs have changed in the past 10 years, it gives me no confidence to make major decisions based on what I happen to be believing at this present moment. If patterns hold, what I believe now will seem quite trivial in the future.

Ended up getting most of the things done that I intended to while over vacation. I have fixed up the basement to have a small living room area. I am presently there and typing on my wireless laptop. I read a letter that was sent to the grandmother of one of my students. It was from CS Lewis. Just amazing.

I skipped class tonight to write a paper for that class. I already dedicate way too much time to that class, so I was not about to offer up any more to it.

Well, we got Mary Lee home last night. I was up with Kathryn most of the night. She was not able to hold anything down again. Fortunately this morning, she seems to be able to now at least. Jacob has been an eating machine through all of this. There was a lot around the house this week that I thought I was going to get done. Oh, well.

First post. My wife is in the hospital and one of my little one's is down for the count too. I think I am going to need to make this private. Though with the tens of thousands of these out there, odds are the point would be moot.