Sticks and Stones

"Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!"

My generation grew up hearing this little catch phrase, but I don't hear it said much anymore.  I think people over the years correctly came to the conclusion that it just wasn't true.

As far as I can remember, I have only been in one physical fight in my life.  It was with a kid in junior high and it didn't last long.  He was experienced in fighting and I wasn't, so he laid a number of punches while I was still trying to figure out the rules.

As can often happen, he and I became friends after our fight (and people say girls are hard to figure out).  When I look back at that fight, and recall some of the fights my students have gotten into, I realize that physical altercations (unless it is some kind of sustained abuse) don't tend to leave wounds.  In fact, I have noticed some of my students have to take a moment to recall a fight they had earlier in the year.

However, you can speak to most adults and discover that they carry a wound, or many wounds, over something that was said to them in the past.  Contrary to the phrase above, not only do words hurt... they often leave lasting damage.

What If?

It's the question that drives us, Neo. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.
~ Trinity

You're a man haunted by those two most terrible words: What if?
~ Uber Morlock
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I have, understandably, become fascinated with people's exit stories. Whether they are exiting from my former faith, or some other, I usually find a kindred soul. The details and particulars may vary from faith to faith, but there is a common thread.

What if?

It is the opening to that question that releases the flood gates. People of faith often wrestle with questions, and therefore believe they have questioned their faith; but as anyone who has left their faith can tell you, it is not the same thing.

The difference is in the letting go. As much as I may have questioned various aspects of my faith while I was a Christian, I always had one foot on the shore. The life preserver was always firmly fastened as I waded into the sea of doubts.

There was a story in Salon yesterday about a woman who left her Mormon faith. Again, the particulars vary, but she had that common "what if?" moment:
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Sean was as supportive as an atheist could be. He even went with me for the first hour of church to help with the Squirmy Ones. But when he’d leave early, I’d cry in the bathroom, feeling completely alone. I never said that word aloud: Atheist. My heart clenched just thinking it.

We rarely talked about religion, yet it consumed us. When Sean replaced his temple garments — the sacred underwear he’d promised to wear day and night — with boxers, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much betrayal. I called up a neighbor with a husband like mine and cried. But instead of empathy, she offered questions that stunned me into silence. Was Sean addicted to pornography? Watching R-rated movies? What sin had brought him to this terrible place?

My tears stopped. Her questions were so off-base that they seemed absurd. She was sincere, and trying to help, but she believed what the Church teaches — that a man would only leave because he’s disobeying the commandments. She couldn’t understand this was a rational inquiry. She saw everything as the result of sin.


This started my brain twitching. I knew Sean was still a good person, that he still maintained the same moral standards he had when he married me. The Church was wrong about him. What else might they be wrong about?
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One of the things that started the "what else might they be wrong about?" process for me was my faith's reaction to Mormons (I moved to SLC from Detroit 8 years ago). I didn't believe Mormon theology, but the reactions of my fellow evangelicals to them gave me insight into my own religion. I knew my Mormon friends to be good and honest people who were just as sincere in their belief as I was in mine. They were quite convinced that I was misinformed about God, and I returned the favor.

However, I was a bit more gracious than most of my fellow evangelicals. I sat through many a bible study and meeting where Mormon faith and practices were mocked. Yet, upon closer examination, many of the critiques and jabs I heard could just as easily be applied to us. Why do we get a pass on similar attitudes and practices? What if I applied these critical measures to my own faith?

What if?

A Regulation Everyone Can Agree On

I got a new camera in the mail yesterday. We had to replace a stolen one. My wife is a new teacher and she learned the lesson of every new teacher - as homey as that classroom starts to feel, it isn't yours. Leave stuff out, and it will walk.

(I also wish camera thieves would at least do us the courtesy of leaving behind the memory card, those pictures were important)

As much as I like the specs and price of my new camera, I am tempted to return it. Included in the packaging was a funky little proprietary recharging cable.

Ughhhhh! Not another one....

I love gadgets, and I have a lot of them. I also pride myself on how well I haggle out a good deal. However, I think I have come to the conclusion that no good deal is worth it on a piece of tech that uses a proprietary charging cable.

My phone uses mini-usb. My mp3 player and my GPS also use mini-usb. I love that I have only one charging cable in my car.

I think the United States should just have a standard on charging cables the way we do on electrical outlets. At the very least, have the packaging list the connector type. If it isn't mini-usb, from now on, I am steering clear.

Marvel Movie Envy

Poor DC... They must be having movie envy. Seriously... if they didn't have Batman, they would have nothing... and Batman ends this summer. Green Lantern was a fizzle at best. For such a deep universe, they are having trouble moving their titles to the big screen. If Superman tanks next year, they might as well pack up shop.

Marvel on the other hand seems to have the big screen transition down to a science (we will ignore Punisher, Ghost Rider, and Fantastic Four). Let's see, in the past few years we have seen good renditions of Spider-man, Captain America, Thor, Blade, Hulk, X-men, and Iron Man... I even thought the Director's Cut of Daredevil was decent. In addition, last summer's X-men First Class and this summer's Avengers pushed the bar even higher as to what we can expect in a great superhero movie.

I think part of DC's problem is that they have become too Batman/Superman dependent. They have a decent bench, but can't seem to see past their star players. I think Marvel has shown that if you do a good story, you can overcome a little lack in name recognition. I can't begin to count the number of people to whom I had to explain who Iron Man was prior to the movie opening in 2008. Now there is hardly a person on the planet who couldn't tell you who Iron Man is.

So what do you think? Who does DC need to put in the spotlight? Who is next for Marvel?

Truth Does Not Demand Belief

I saw this one on Facebook and it made me chuckle.  One of the things I have noticed since moving beyond my Christian faith is that I don't spend time with all of the word games.  These word games require you to say things, almost mantra like, that keep you focused and believing in an unseen reality.

For example, as a Christian, you might spend a lot of time referencing God as if you had just spoken to him on the phone - "I was wondering which job I was going to go for, and God made it clear to me that he wanted me in the first one."  Now if this Christian ends up at the second one, that is ok... all of the verbiage will roll down a new track.  Being wrong on what "God made clear" never impacts the next time God makes something clear.

All of this alternate reality creation requires a lot of effort and concentration of the Christian's part.  You take normal everyday occurrences, and turn them into "God Moments" (moments when God does something really cool that you can then share as a faith building story later).  With all of this energy being spent on warping reality, you have little time or patience for people in your life who would question these realities.

But these "God Moments" really are just everyday occurrences.  For example, I just got a new job.  I had done a few other interviews but, though I would have been happy to have gotten any of them, none of them had grabbed me like the last one did.  My wife could hear in the way I told her about the interview that I really, really wanted this one.  Lo and behold, I got the job.

In my Christian days, I would have been able to relate a half dozen items that would have demonstrated that my getting this job "was a God thing".  The reason I didn't get the other jobs is because God didn't want me there... and he was making this clear in my heart, which is why I was not as excited about them.  God was present in my interview and gave me favor with the staff who interviewed me.  The peace and anticipation I felt during and after the interview was God showing me his hand in this process.

That's how I would have interpreted and retold it in the past.

What is the reality?  The reality is I have a great resume', great experience, and great references.  I interview well.  It was clear to the staff and to me throughout the interview that this was a good fit.  I liked what I was hearing from them in the interview.  The good feeling was a reciprocal response generated by both parties anticipating a successful choice.

A God Moment?  or an Everyday Occurrence?  The first option requires a lot of word games and energy to believe... the other is just plain and simple truth that does not need to be propped up.

Don't learn? Repeat!

"Those who don't know history are destined to repeat it." ~ Edmund Burke

This axiom is true... as the picture, and North Carolina's vote yesterday on Amendment One, demonstrates.

I heard one young man interviewed yesterday who said, "I voted for Amendment One because it reflects my conservative values."

Hmmmm... conservative values... these are the same folks who go on ad nauseum about how everything done by government is bad, and therefore always trumpet the virtues of small government.  However, this vote makes clear that when it suits their purposes (which in this case is the control of the lives of others) they will thank you kindly for a double serving of that big, bad ol' government.

I know I used this picture yesterday, but I am fascinated by it because it says so much. In it, a crowd of white folks are protesting this girl for attending the local school.  The National Guard had to walk the student to school to protect her.

Do you think any of these scowling, angry women thought of themselves as bigots? I would guess not. They probably thought of themselves as moral, upstanding, God-loving folk; who were only looking to protect their children and their families. However, history rightly remembers them as bigots.

In the same way, I am sure the folks who voted for Amendment One in North Carolina would never self-identify as bigots.  They probably think of themselves as moral, upstanding, God-loving folk; who are only looking to protect their children and their families.

But history will also, rightly, remember them as bigots.

Separate and Unequal

WHO we persecute and relegate to 2nd tier status in our society may change... but the attitudes and rhetoric that drive the persecution remain the same. If you read about the Little Rock Nine, you will find that the arguments used against bringing African-Americans into equal educational status sound strikingly similar to arguments made by people wanting to deny homosexuals equal marital status.

Look at the contempt on those women's faces for that student.

Anyone want to take a guess where those women were Sunday morning?

The Shellfish Challenge

Photo by Wayan Vota

The net is all a dither with the latest rants by Dan Savage and Pastor Sean Harris. I wrote about Dan Savage last week. Although many Christians didn't like his tone or what he said, I have yet to hear an argument refuting his assertions. Let's face it, the writers of the Bible felt no need to have listed in the 10 commandments "Thou shalt not own another human being!" Paul did not tell Christians to free their slaves... just treat them nicely. Clearly, most of the writers of the bible had no problem with slavery - yet there were Christians taking offense at the bible being referred to as a "pro-slavery document".  To me, these offended parties were having an emotional reaction that had no objective reason.

Now there is Pastor Harris of a NC megachurch church who, amongst other things, said "Dads, the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give him a good punch." So gay kids don't need to merely fear rejection from Christian parents, they are now being threatened with beatings as well. To be fair though, Pastor Harris could be thought of as a religious progressive. After all, the bible (infallible, God's revealed truth, without error) has told us that the child should be put to death. Pastor Harris is being darn near liberal by comparison.

So why are Christians not putting homosexuals to death? Because Dan Savage was right; Christians ignore bible passages ALL THE TIME.  Christians have a bit of a sliding scale when it comes to biblical obedience. Death would be a little drastic for modern society, so we move the scale down to serious societal oppression. When it comes to adultery (also deserving of death a few verses up), we slide the scale even further down. In fact many items (eating shellfish, wearing mixed fabrics, no work on the Sabbath) get moved off the sliding scale all together.

Many Christians want to distance themselves from a Pastor like Harris, but in their practical attitudes and rhetoric, there is little difference. Harris may be a hardcore blatant oppressor, but many Christians are softcore - carefully censoring their words, but maintaining a similar attitude in their hearts. Then they wonder in befuddlement why Christianity is becoming more marginalized and youth are leaving churches in droves.

Which brings me to my Shellfish Challenge. Many new ideas and approaches need to be "tried on for size" before they can be accepted. So, my Christian friends, I challenge you for one year to let go of the homosexual issue. Give it the same attention, worry, concern, and time that you give to the biblical avoidance of shellfish... nothing. No conversations, no sermons, no readings, no political efforts, no wisecracks. In short, you put into the issue the same thought and effort Jesus did... nothing.

Take the challenge for 1 year... then weigh what effect it had on your soul and your relationships. 

and.... if you still feel the need to be against something - shellfish is an open field. Remember "God Hates Lobster!" :)

Avengers Slam Dunk

I usually don't like to pre-hype a movie. It seems like high expectations have ruined many a "perfectly good" film. However, for the Avengers I let my usual determination to remain neutral drop away. Once I saw that Joss Whedon was the director and the writer, I let all hesitation go in total faith... In Joss I trust.

My son and I just got back from the Cinemark. We have been counting down the days for quite a while now.  We grabbed dinner beforehand at Wingers, then walked over to the show. Multiple times throughout the movie, Jacob leaned over and said "Dad, this is the greatest movie ever!"

And it was incredible. I knew from Serenity that Whedon was particularly suited for writing a story about the adventures of a team. One would think that with so many characters, the story couldn't help but feel scattered. Not at all.

I would have loved to have spent more time with the famous Whedon dialogue, but there was plenty of it amidst the eye candy. I think we can expect more in that department in Avengers 2... in a way, this was an origin story and there will be less need for backdrop next round.

When Iron Man first came out years ago, was anyone expecting this level of movie franchising and interconnectedness  to occur? I hope they have a master plan to bring it to a decided and worthy conclusion.

Ok DC... your turn!

Savage Bible Take Down

It was interesting to listen to the various commentaries on the radio today concerning Savage and his critique of scripture. A teacher at one of our local high schools was there with her students. She was surprised that only a minority of the students there walked out and that the vast majority seemed in favor of Savage's rant.

"I just don't understand the hostility toward Christianity," she said. 

Well, let me help (she sounded genuinely perplexed). According to a Barna poll, the number 1 thing people associate with Christianity is being anti-gay.

The #1 thing.

Politicians trying to win the Christian vote position themselves as being more anti-gay than other candidates... and this works. Preachers preach against homosexuality to rouse their congregations.... and it works. Religious ministries send out mailers warning the faithful of the "homosexual agenda" in order to spur donations... and it works.

These homosexuals, whom many Christians are constantly painting as devious, immoral, and dangerous... they are our mothers and fathers. They are our brothers, sisters, friends, neighbors, co-workers. They are our loved ones.

And you, dear Christian, want to paint them as "other". You want to make people fearful and suspicious of them. You want to place them on a lower societal tier.

So, if you are perceiving some hostility toward your position, it should not be difficult for you to understand why. We have seen this pattern of behavior in history before...treating a people group as inferior.. and we are growing past it. You are welcome to join us in a free and loving future... or you may stay in your separatist, bigoted past; but we will not join you there. To quote CS Lewis -

"Our light can swallow up your darkness; but your darkness cannot now infect our light. No, no, no. Come to us. We will not go to you. Can you really have thought that love and joy would always be at the mercy of frowns and sighs?"
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And as for Savage? No, I would not have said it that crassly. But his point was valid. Christians ignore sweeping swaths of the bible all the time. They hold to the homosexual passages because THEY WANT TO. Every Christian self selects the passages of scripture he or she wants to live by. That being the case, let's quit blaming the bible and start taking responsibility for our own positions. The anti-homosexual position does not belong to a deity.... it belongs to you.