Kathryn has a routine as I leave for work each morning. She hugs and kisses me goodbye and then she kisses my hand, so I can press my palm to my cheek during the day when I need a kiss and then she has me kiss her hand for the same reason.
As we pulled into her troop leader's driveway she kissed my cheek and then reached for my hand. At that moment, she made eye contact with one of her scout friends. She froze and kept my hand down. When her friend passed us, she quickly pulled up my hand to kiss it, slammed her hand to my lips, and dove out of the van before anyone saw. :)
I believe God's presence settled over my van in that moment to tell me a story.
Besides her mother, there is no one whose love for Kathryn could compare to mine. I will never leave her, never abandon her, and I will always support her. There is nothing she could say or do that could cause me to turn away from her. For me, the sun rises and sets over her.
Yet in that moment, it was the opinion of her friends that mattered. Friends whose devotion will wax and wane. My daughter was afraid of what her love for me might look like to them. They might think her silly or childish. They might tease her. So she hid her love for me.
I was not at all hurt by this. I know this is an age and stage that she has to wrestle through. I actually thought it was cute. But I realized that I am the one she should cling to and, for HER sake, I want to be her security and stability in these formative years.
I want Kathryn to have friends. But as we all know, the fickleness of friends can reek havoc with one's emotions and esteem if that is where you turn for self-worth.
I realized that is what I had done this weekend (to build on my previous post). I became worried about what my friends think of the way I express love to my Heavenly Father. They might think me unorthodox, heretical, or unacceptable.
I know that part of my hurt was pride, but I also realize that I was not drawing my security from God. There is no one who loves me like my Father in Heaven. He will never leave me, never abandon me, and He will always support me. There is nothing I could say or do that could cause Him to turn away from me. For Him, the sun rises and sets over me.
As I want my daughter to seek out my love for her benefit; so God wants me to seek out His love for my benefit. When I draw my worth from Him who thinks the world of me, I will be able to offer grace and love to everyone without cost.
Invitation to the Thirsty1 "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you. I will give you all of my unfailing love...