You Are Not Broken

During what may have been our last time attending our Evangelical church eleven years ago, the pastor was talking about sin and brokenness.  He let the congregation know that God saw their sin and could not abide it.  Yet, Jesus comes and stands in front of you... and then God can accept you, through Jesus.

On the drive home my wife said that while Jake sat in her lap during the service, she wanted to cover his ears. "I don't want him being told he is dirty and broken.  The message there has changed."

"No, it hasn't," I replied. "We have."

We were still believers but had started to see the foundational perspective of Evangelicalism as toxic.  Our ears became attuned to how many of our faith's beliefs sounded like something you would hear in an abusive relationship.

To clarify, I did not become an Atheist because of that experience or my decades in Evangelicalism.  There are plenty of churches out there that do not promote unhealthy views of the self and spirituality.

I just don't believe in the supernatural.

However, if you are a believer and have been attending the same kind of church for decades, I would encourage you to visit a different church once every month or two.  Get a perspective of what else is out there.  Because, here is the thing: If you had pointed out to me the toxic phrases my belief system used when I was all in, I would have denied they were toxic.  I would have told you that those messages were "good" for me and that you needed to hear them too.  Fish do not know they are wet and folks in toxic churches don't think they are toxic.

There may be a church community out there that would bring you a peace and happiness you never imagined... but you have never gone outside your bubble.

Of course, I have never been happier since I started playing disc golf on Sunday mornings... but that's just me.  🙂

Teachers Need To Set Boundaries

I am going on 30 years in the teaching profession.

If you make it this far you either:

A. Don't have a life outside your job

B. Have learned to set boundaries and let the rest go

I don't panic when the district or the state changes this or that, fails to fund or support their expectations, makes contradictory demands.

I put in X amount of time on my job.  I have learned over the years to use that time pretty efficiently.  However, when the district increases a time demand in one spot, I remove something else.  X does not increase.

That may sound callous but it isn't.  It is reasonable.

I know there are teachers who can't accept that... and they pile on the time.  They spend themselves to make it all work.

They also tend to leave the profession inside of 10 years or sidestep to another spot in education that does not require them to be in a classroom full-time.

If you truly enjoy the classroom and want to continue being a happy human, you have to learn to let some things go.

Good For The Soul To Just Be Wrong

There is a lot of whataboutism and deflection going on at the moment as many on the Right wring their hands and try to redirect the negative attention they are getting due to what happened at the Capitol.

"Well if you were upset about the riot at the capitol but you weren't upset about the riots last  summer then..."

No.

That is not how you address wrong behavior.  That is how you PROTECT wrong behavior.  That is how YOU protect YOUR ego.

Last summer during the protests there was some objectively bad behavior.  When protestors went into restaurants and intimidated people into pledging support for the cause... that was wrong.  It was horrid.  And I said so.

I didn't try to soften the blow by bringing up some horrible thing done by right-wingers.  I didn't try to argue that those were just plants to make the cause look bad.  They were liberals... and they went too far... and they were wrong.

Presently, there are a lot of folks on the Right who are having trouble with making such a statement.  Even if they recognize that what happened at the capitol was wrong, their ego can't help but cushion that recognition with a blanket of whataboutism.  "Yeah, the protestors in Washington shouldn't have done that... BUT Y'Know, THE DEMOCRATS DID THIS...."

Let me give some honest advice here to some folks.  Just be wrong.  Let the behavior be wrong.  No qualifications.  No side issues.  It is good for your soul to not muddy the waters, to not make excuses, and not deflect.  

You know this particularly if you are a parent or work with kids.  When they admit wrong with qualifiers... they aren't really admitting anything. They are still protecting the bad behavior.  But when the light goes on and they see their error, you know good change is on its way.

The DCEU Needs a Good Bad Guy

WW1984 was worth a watch.

As was Aquaman, Suicide Squad, Justice League, etc.  That seems to be the best I have to offer the DC movies since their universe started.  The movies aren't bad... but I do not have that drive to get back in line and buy another ticket because I HAVE to see it again!

It is not a DC problem.  Nolan didn't have it.  I have watched his Batman trilogy numerous times.

Maybe it is because the DCEU has the Yang but no Yin.  

When I look back on the Nolan movies, he pretty much nails the bad guy.  Neeson's Ras and Ledger's Joker were epic.  Even the weaker Bane redefined the character and his voice/cadence became iconic.

On the Yang side, the DCEU has been impeccable (minus Shazam). Affleck, Gadot, Cavill, and Momoa couldn't have been better casting choices.  Their heroes are solid.

But the villains?  So far they have been forgettable, awkward, or just silly.  

Where is the Loki or Vader of the DCEU?

A Brief Moment

Had an old feeling yesterday.  We stopped in Mesquite, NV on our way home from San Diego.  It was about 11p when we rolled in to the hotel.  I went straight in to register our room.  The clerk told me that because I am in their rewards program I could grab two snacks or get 500 points added to my rewards.  I said that I have two kids and they would probably appreciate the snacks.  

When the family caught up with me, I told Kak and Jake what the clerk had said.  It had been a long drive, it was late, they were tired... but all of a sudden Kathryn let out a whoop and the two of them went scrambling into the hotel shop to grab some candy.  For just a moment, my 19 and 22-year-old were 6 and 9 again - excited for treats.  😀  It brought back memories of being a daddy at a different stage.

I noticed in my email today that 500 pts had also been added to my account.  I think the clerk appreciated their enthusiasm and genuine thank-yous.

#$%& Your Feelings

One of the primary catchphrases among Trumpers is "$^#@ your feelings!"  This turns out to be amusing.  As is often the case with their leader, this is projection.  "Feelings" is exactly why they follow Trump.

The reason they are in a tizzy right now is not due to losing, it is because they don't get how the process works. Normal occurrences get translated into a conspiracy. Similarly, they often can't really articulate much about Trump's policy agenda, his foreign strategy, his economic plan.  Yet, they will consider him one of the best presidents we ever had.

If they don't understand politics or history, why would they consider him a great president?  What is their metric?

He hits them right in the feels.  Unlike previous conservative presidents, he will say what irks them.  This is why they wave flags, wear hats, and scream at Democrats in ways they never did for Bush or Reagan.

They have a white grievance button that Trump pushes with glee.  He sees that they want to dominate the religious landscape, so he strokes their ego.  He has a short fuse and worries that people don't respect him - they completely relate.

Down the line, he satisfies every feeling that has had no outlet over the decades.  So, like Trump, they project onto others the very motivations and actions they are steeped in.

Every drive they have for Trump is founded on feelings. 

Which is why they tell you to $^#@ yours.

Disturbing Answers

A pastor friend of mine posted on FB, "If you could ask God a question, what would it be?"

I was not surprised to find some of the answers disturbing.  

"My question would be... Why does God allow all these awful viruses and diseases??? But the answer would probably be... To bring us closer to him ❤️"

Imagine perceiving the divine in this way.  You see God as someone who hurts you... so you will need him more.  Stephen King wrote a whole book on that view called "Misery".  I want to tell this person that no one who is good would think that hurting you is helpful in building a relationship.

"Why are you so kind, patient and gracious towards me?"

Lots of believers are trained to think of themselves as worthless.  They are taught that it really demonstrates God's love that he can even tolerate someone as awful as you.  I know people who seem to think it builds God up by putting themselves down.  I want to tell this person that they are deserving of being treated kindly... and that should not be surprising.

"Is the time close?"

Folks like this struggle to value our beautiful world because they are always pining for the next.  I want to tell this person to be present with the people in their life and the world they are in.  Don't sabotage today's happiness.

I Rarely Walk Out of A Movie

I usually trust that still, small voice (and it was SO right this time).

Infidel was not on my radar to see.  It already had a few strikes against it but tonight the showing was at a real convenient time, so I decided to roll the dice.

The first strike was that my Dad had mentioned that he wanted to see it.  Don't get me wrong, I get my movie-loving genes from my Dad and we agree on movies way more often than we don't.  The problem was that I had never heard of it.  Me... they guy who follows all the movie sites on Facebook.  Where would he have heard of a movie that I hadn't?

Must be Right-Wing/Christian media.

Strike one.

The second strike was due to Jim Caviezel.  I enjoyed him in Person of Interest but a story Ethan Suplee shared on a podcast really soured me.  Ethan spent most of his early career as the heavy set, funny guy in movies like Remember the Titans and on My Name is Earl. 

Suplee and Caviezel were on a flight together traveling to a movie shoot.  Caviezel took the opportunity to tell Ethan about Jesus.  He explained that Ethan obviously needed Jesus ... because... and then he made reference to Ethan's obesity, which he contrasted with his own in shape self.  Ethan told his wife on the phone that night that no one had ever made him feel so poorly about himself.  It was due to that and a few other realities that motivated him to get in shape.  He never wanted to be spoken to that way again.  On the podcast, Suplee said he got in shape, not because of Caviezel and Jesus but in spite of them.

Still, I can generally separate someone being a jerk from their performance, so I got my bucket of popcorn and soda and headed into the theater.  I was the only one occupying a seat.

The opening credits came on as I was getting situated.  Across the screen flashed "D'Souza Productions".  I was alone in the theater so I half-shouted at the screen, "DINESH @#$%^&* D'Souza??!!"  I did a quick check on my phone.

"God-#$%%!^!!!" I yelled even louder. 

Dinesh D'Souza is one of the worst Christo-Nationalist political media hacks out there.  A genuinely awful human!  Alex Jones level.  He was sent to prison for campaign finance violations.  Trump pardoned him.

I felt like Cameron pounding on the steering wheel of his car, frustrated with his own indecision.  I was so irritated.

"God-D*****!!"

By the time the opening credits ceased, I had decided to stay... until I was finished with my popcorn. I was GOING to eat my bucket of popcorn.

The first 20 minutes vacillated between meh, tacky, and horrible.  They had used plenty of anti-Islamic tropes, set up the "Christian who lost their faith because of a tragedy" sub-plot and infused most moments with that general Christian movie awkwardness that comes from having ulterior motives in the storytelling.

It was getting grueling... but I was only halfway done with my popcorn.

At this point of the movie, Caviezel's character, who is a Christian speaker, goes to Cario to talk at some kind of inter-faith chat with a Muslim TV interviewer.  Caviezel explains that the Abrahamic faiths should not be fighting among each other but against the secularists, who are the true enemy.  The Muslim interviewer heartily agrees... but almost too much.  Caviezel's character, like most evangelicals, gets nervous about appearing too agreeable with another faith so he starts to instruct the Muslim audience about Jesus.  He isn't just a prophet, he is God. The crowd grows agitated.  The interviewer asks why it isn't ok for Muslims to just think of Jesus as a prophet.  Caviezel fires back with, 

"Jesus said, I am the way..."  yada, yada. My eyes were rolling so hard into the back of my head at this point, I completely missed the interviewer's retort. Whatever it was, it was a setup.  The music vamped like an altar call and the camera did a slow pan to Caviezel's face which spoke imploringly to the movie audience:

"For God so loved..."

"That's it, I am #$%#&^% out of here!" Me, my soda, and a half-eaten bucket of popcorn were down the aisle and out of the theater before he could finish that sentence.

It was just awful.

I feel dirty that this movie got my ticket on its ledger.  Perhaps I cannot give it an accurate review because I failed to stay to the end... but I think I will find a way to live with myself.

Donald "Biff" Trump

There was a story in the news today about someone sending Ricin to the White House.  It occurred to me that I would never think well of that action or the person who did it - and I hate Trump (something I have never felt toward any President).

It made me remember how Trump gloried in that journalist getting shot in the knee the other day.  It was a "beautiful thing" Trump chortled to the crowd at his rally and got a laugh.

Trump behaves this way because he is, at his foundation, a bully.  He really is Biff Tannan, looking for someone to pick on so he can get a laugh from his toadies.

Trump does not want to be President because he loves America.  He wants to be President so he can bully people.

That's it.

If you support him, do some soul searching.  There is a part of you that is ok with that, maybe even longs for it.



I never realized in the 80s when the Back to The Future movies came out that a third of America was rooting for Biff.

Brain Buzz

When I was a teen, I was part of a competitive Bible quiz league.  We had competitions locally and went to a few national tournaments around the country during the year.

Essentially, you would commit a book of the Bible to memory and be asked questions about it.  Not just any questions, the question had to come directly out of the scripture.  You would never hear a question like, "How many disciples did Jesus have?" because that did not come word for word out of the scripture. 

Instead, they would take a verse like John 11:17 "On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days." and pull a word or a phrase out and stick an interrogative in its place (they could add a helping verb if necessary).  So, a question might read: "Who had already been in the tomb for four days?" Answer?  Lazarus.  Three teams of three to four "quizzers" would compete over 20 such questions.

However, most competitors' level of memorization was so complete, they didn't wait for the full question to finish.  They would buzz in on just a few words of the question: "Who had al..." and hope from that bit of the question, they could figure out where the verse was in 21 chapters of John and answer inside the 30 seconds given from the initial buzz.  You could formulate a question and answer or quote the entire section to be called correct.  (There is a story to my question example that a few Detroit quizzers MAY remember).

Anyways, sometimes over a few days of competition, your brain kind of went to mush.  You spent so much time concentrating, that after it was all over, there was just a low buzz in your brain.  Unlike the usual scattered thoughts that crowd for space, after a quizzing tournament, there was a weird brain silence.

It has been decades since I have felt that phenomenon, but I recognized it today.  After a week of remote teaching, my brain was just on fire.  This week I spent so much time focusing.  Much of what I do in teaching nowadays is 2nd nature... but there was none of that this week.  Every detail had to have my attention.  I wasn't just thinking, I was concentrating.  Nothing was automatic, the whole week was on manual control.

I am really tired... but it was all strangely satisfying.  Not saying I want to do that all the time... but it was like seeing an old friend experiencing that brain buzz again today.